When I was 9 I had this dream, it was a bit plain and weird actually but I remembered it. There hung a photo frame on a wall, really big photo frame, and as I looked at it harder I actually became inside it watching as the photo was taken. I remember watching as my father stood on the left and my mother stood on the right holding hands. Then my younger brother stands in front of my mother and I stand in front of my father whilst our dog- Charlie- lays in the middle at the bottom of the photo. Charlie was my first ever pet, and to this day- 10 years later- still my only pet (unless you class a fish with an ex boyfriend as a pet?). Charlie was my best friend- my only friend- I used to get bullied because I took things to heart so much and Charlie knew when I was sad and would sit with me until I was happy again. That dog became mine, not ours. I trained him and he slept in my bed. My Charlie. One would assume this was the perfect family given the smiles and the holding hands and the general happy atmosphere that was portayed in this photo. The photo was set about 10 years from now- so my parents looked pretty old, myself and my brother are grown up and Charlie looks pretty past his sell by date…bless him. After the snap was taken the photo cracks straight down the middle, parting my father and I from my mother and brother and splitting Charlie straight down the middle.
The day after this dream, after speaking nothing of it because…well it was a pretty boring dream actually, my father approaches me whilst I’m cleaning my teeth. I’m innocently looking in the mirror, observing my young face pull disgusting expressions with a toothbrush in my mouth, well aware of the blue and white tiles filling the room and the coinciding scent of bleach mixed with strawberry toothpaste – do not judge me, I really liked flavoured toothpaste – when my father says, ‘your mother and I have been talking, and we think it’s best if we split up’.
‘Why?’
‘Things haven’t been right for a long time, we stayed together for all the wrong reasons and it’s just too much now, sweetheart. But we’ll talk about this in the morning, don’t worry about a thing because it will all be fine’.
And I done as I was told, I didn’t worry, I didn’t actually care. Truthfully, I didn’t understand. Little did I know that as the next year unfolded everything in my dream came true. My mother left and took only my brother leaving me and my father, she gave away my beautiful Charlie (bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch) even after she had left and from that day forward the only parent I had was my father.
What happened to me in these 10 years is more than thats happened to a lot of grown adults, but I honestly would not change a single part of my life. What happened to me made me who I am today, someone who is honest, trustworthy and wants to build a career in either teaching or counselling- helping other people find their way. I believe in fate, everything happened to me for a reason and the reason is simple.
It made me a better and stronger person, and whatever problems you may be facing, may have faced or may be yet to tackle, may be the hardest thing to deal with at the time- but there really is light at the end of the tunnel.
The Shovels, The Shits and The Silver Linings 